Have you seen Adolescence, the limited series on Netflix? It feels like everyone—from my friends to adolescent influencers—is talking about the series and what it says about the emotional lives of boys. It’s dark, yes, but it’s also real in a way that stays with you. I wanted to dig deeper, so I sat down with Alexis Skopos, a licensed mental health counselor based in Daytona Beach, to talk about what the series gets right, what it leaves us thinking about, and how parents can support their kids through the turbulent adolescent years.
Skopos co-owns Be Kind to Mind Counseling and specializes in trauma therapy, including a powerful approach called brainspotting. She’s worked everywhere from crisis units and high schools to rehab centers and now outpatient care, giving her a wide lens on the emotional lives of teens.
Her take on Adolescence? “It was terrifyingly realistic,” she says. “It shows what happens when boys are pushed to the brink with bullying and emotions they don’t know how to handle.” In the series, anger often takes center stage—but, as Skopos explains, that’s rarely the whole story. “Anger is a secondary emotion. It’s usually covering up something else—shame, sadness, fear. But boys are often taught that anger is the only ‘acceptable’ emotion to show. Crying? That’s weakness. But punching a wall? That’s masculinity.”
That cultural messaging—passed down from generation to generation—plays a huge role in the emotional development of boys. One powerful moment in the series shows a psychologist asking a teen what masculinity means to him. His answer? “My dad. He gets angry sometimes.” That scene, Skopos says, “perfectly illustrates how we teach boys to funnel every feeling through anger.”
So, what’s a parent to do? How do we show up for our kids in a way that helps them feel safe, seen and loved?
According to Skopos, it starts with love languages.
“Yes, love languages matter,” she says. “And not just in romantic relationships. There are love language dynamics between parents and children too.” She explains that parents often love their kids the way they want to be loved, not the way the child actually needs. “A parent might think, ‘I feed you, I say I love you, I meet your needs’—but if that child’s love language is words of affirmation and they never hear ‘I’m proud of you,’ it doesn’t land. They’ll still feel unseen.”
She encourages parents to have explicit conversations about it. “Ask your child: When do you feel most loved by me? What helps you feel safe? We usually don’t ask those questions—we assume. But love languages give us a framework. And here’s the thing: I rarely see parents and kids with the same love language. That’s often where the disconnect happens.”
She also points out that love languages can shift over time. “We evolve. What felt good at 5 might not be what we need at 15. I encourage families—and couples, too—to revisit that conversation every few years.”
And even more fundamentally, she emphasizes the importance of modeling vulnerability. “Your kid doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a safe one. Someone who can say, ‘I messed up, and I’m sorry.’ That kind of modeling is powerful. It shows them that having big feelings is normal, and that making mistakes doesn’t make you unlovable.”
Skopos also offered insight into how parents can respond when kids start pulling away emotionally. “Watch your reactivity,” she advises. “If your kid says they failed a test and your first response is, ‘What?! How could you fail?’—that shuts the door. It feeds shame. Instead, try curiosity over judgment. Ask questions. Stay open.”
We also touched on technology and social media, which can become both a hiding place and a pressure cooker for teens. Skopos described it as a “24/7 world” where bullying doesn’t stop at the school doors, and the need to perform perfection is relentless. But she cautioned against strict bans or punishments, which often lead to more hiding. “If you say, ‘Don’t touch that,’ they’re going to want to touch it. Reframe the conversation. Be curious, not judgmental.”
As we wrapped up our conversation, I asked Skopos what message she’d leave with parents—those who haven’t yet reached the middle school years, and those who are in the thick of it.
She didn’t hesitate. “Around 12, 13, 14—it’s a whole new world. Their bodies, their brains, their friendships. They start to see you not as a superhero, but as human. That’s hard. But it’s also your chance to show them what being human means. Apologize. Explain. Teach them how to handle emotions—not avoid them.”
Her final reminder? “It’s okay to not have all the answers. Give your kids grace—and give yourself grace too.”
5 Key Takeaways for Parents
Anger is often a mask. Boys may act angry, but the real emotions are often sadness, shame, or fear.
Love languages matter. Knowing how your child feels loved—and how that may differ from your own style—is key to connection.
Curiosity beats reactivity. Pause before reacting; ask questions instead of making assumptions.
Social media is their second world. It’s not just a distraction—it’s often where emotions are processed and identities are explored.
Middle school is a turning point. Ages 12–14 are full of change. Don’t miss the chance to connect and model what being human looks like.
